Alcoholic personality change
This hits home with me deeply, as I too have been married for many years to the same man who has always been a drinker, but for many years of our marriage, he was a gentleman, a kind and caring, thoughtful person, who was sensitive to my feelings and wouldn't deliberately hurt anyone, particularly me. But as the years have gone by, the alcoholism progressed and he has changed - drastically. He is not the same man I married. He is insensitive, cold, cruel and selfish. He has done things to me that I never dreamed he could - lied, cheated, even took me around one woman he was cheating with who worked in a store without my knowing who she was. Why would he do that to me? The person he was wouldn't have pulled such a cruel stunt. The hurt I felt from that, I can't even begin to describe. I too feel like the loss of who he used to be is like a death. I am totally shut out of his life now as he spends almost all of his time (he still works somehow) in the bars. The people he associates with are other alcoholics who just drag him down. Nearly 50 years old and he's talking about getting tattoos and motorcycles - stuff his so-called "friends" have. Now he is losing weight, and isn't eating much - does that mean anything, that he doesn't eat much? He was a hearty eater who enjoyed food and was slightly overweight but now he has dropped at least two clothing sizes. It is just hard. I am glad that I am seeing that others see personality changes, totally different from the person they knew. I just hope that in my lifetime I get the chance to see him come out of this - that this is not how I remember him - that I get the chance to know him again as he was - kind and caring and sensitive and not a hurtful person. The past few years have been horrible - and have taken a serious toll on me physically and mentally. I am struggling to find calm and peace in my life - quite honestly, what he has put me through is similar to a post traumatic stress situation - he has turned our lives upside down. I miss the trust I had in him, of being glad to see him, of communicating with him, of knowing he had my back. It's just hard to accept. Alcoholism is insanity - total insanity.