Forget matches Ivan, I've got a brand new Zippo and it's fueled up. I could give you a million examples of how my behavior over the years has intentionally skirted disaster. In the past it's been part of the rush. This time it's a big part of my personal declaration of empowerment over something that had entirely too much control over me for way too many years. Oh, and why wait weeks? The thoughts come regularly right now. The latest was last night at 3am. Woke up with back screaming and RLS with no chance of getting back to sleep. One half Lortab and I'da been nice and sleeping in no time. Freedom is not free I reminded myself and now the sun is up and I'm working on day 10. I have a beautiful wife too who means the world to me but I'm doing this for me. If I allowed myself to slip into a perpetual legally induced narco-haze, our whole family would suffer. Not to mention all the opportunities missed or challenges failed because I was too numb to care.
Like you said Ivan, everyone's situation is different and I'm glad that you got the help you needed. I've had less good luck with head shrinks. Many years ago when my first marriage was crumbling, everyone and their brother suggested that I "talk with a professional" before making any "final decisions". Well I visited this one smacker for 5 sessions before it became all too apparent that he was an idiot with many certificates on the wall who was capable only of continually asking me questions and offering me nothing in the form of any guidance or assistance of any kind. I ended up making my final decision like I had to. On my own. Life is a wondrous, perplexing and sometimes frustrating journey. In the final analysis, much of that experience depends on choices that we make. I can't always stop the screaming impulses in my head but I can sure as hell prevent follow throughs that are known by me to lead to trouble. At least that's what I believe. Geez, after proof reading this I'm almost convinced that I really am mentally ill. Oh well, I am not going to beat myself up because I'm on day 10! Steady as she goes. All the best folks.