coco8

Hi,

I am not sure if this is the right place for me to post this since I am a teenager currently dealing with an alcoholic (recovering) father. I am going to be a senior in high school and my life has been a struggle for around four to five years. This was around the time that I realized my father was an alcoholic. I have moved four times since middle school because of this issue combined with the market crash. Luckily, I have a wonderful mother and was never abused physically but I feel mentally exhausted.
I want to forgive my father and have been trying to for two years, but I am worried that if I do, he will disappoint me again. I have given him numerous chances to recover and he still resorts to drinking and pain medication again and again. This time, it's been a few months since any substance abuse (that I know of). I did not live my father for two years but I have had to live with him for the past few months. I feel like I have to fake my forgiveness in order to live in a sane household. I have talked to a counselor and she suggested that my parent's divorce would help to alleviate tension, but it never happened.
His addiction has ruined my mom's relationships with friends and caused a lot of issues within my family. My mother and father do not get along but we have to live with him due to financial issues. I wish my parents would divorce so I could start to have a normal relationship with both of them again. With everything that is going on in my life now, I just want to let go of the hatred I have for him that I have had to hide due to the situation. Has anyone else gone through a similar situation?