endlesspatience

First let me say thanks to everyone here for their continued support. I find it really helpful to combine regular visits here with my AA programme.

I want to open a discussion about my parents which I hope may be of interest to other alcoholics and their families. The last time I got really drunk, I ended up on my own in my flat refusing to answer the phone. My parents became increasingly anxious about my situation and in the end they drove up from their home about 150 miles away and used their spare key to open up the door to my flat and "come to my rescue".

I don't remember much about their arrival as I was pretty much in blackout but I do remember them bundling me into their car and driving me down to their house where I sobered up for 24 hours before they delivered me back to my place of work. They insisted I returned to their house (by train) at the end of the working week and watched over me like a hawk all weekend. They also insist I called them every day and spend next weekend down at their house, too.

I have mixed feelings about all this. On the one hand, I am grateful. After all, they did help me break out of a downward spiral and I have been sober since their "intervention". On the other hand I feel rather cornered and constrained. And it was, to some extent, a rebellion against my family's very conservative values which led me to take up drinking in the first place. The other danger I sense is that I turn my parents into my Higher Power, relying on them for my recovery rather than trusting my own HP.

All of this is written from my own perspective as an alcoholic, of course. I may be failing to see the situation through their eyes, and this makes me feel guilty. I have a bad habit of turning guilt into self-pity and then compensating by drinking again. So all in all, I don't want to reject my parents help - I really do value it. But I don't want to become trapped in a co-dependent family relationship which could be damaging to all involved.