walktheline1

Well I'm at 3 weeks sober and I made it through the holiday festivities without a drink. I feel about ten times better than I did while I was drinking and a hundred times better than I did the first week, but things still don't feel right yet. I still have an intermittent feeling of missing something. It's kinda like that feeling of impending doom, mixed with lonesome, mixed with sitting on the edge of your seat while watching your team in double overtime. And then sometimes I feel like I'm going through the motions but I'm not fully cognizant of whats going on. Luckily the feelings come and go, and hopefully they'll get better with time.

I've also learned some things the past 3 weeks:
1. No one really gives a **** whether you drink or not. There are a million reasons you can give them for not drinking and most people really don't care. And the ones that will heckle you over not drinking, usually get bored after about 5 minutes...
2. I thought I wasn't hurting anyone but myself while I was drinking. I couldn't have been more wrong. I was more of a jerk to my girlfriend than I realized and I may have ruined our 3 year relationship because I internalized a lot of things and drank them away instead of facing them. While I was busy drinking away my problems, she was drifting away from me.
3. Reading SR really helps to keep me grounded and let me know other people are going through the same stuff on a daily basis. Reading people's first post and relapse posts also help to keep me from going back down the path of sorrow, depression, and agony.

So life isn't good, life isn't bad. I'm just here right now. I don't know what the hell I'm doing or where I'm going. I have all my essentials covered to survive and a some extra. So I guess I'll just keep on keepin' on without the drink.

Thanks for reading. And I hope everyone had a good sober memorial day.

Edit: A song that kinda summarizes the past few weeks for me: Every Little Bit Counts by James McMurtry. (I'd post a link but my post count isn't high enough. )