Frustrated,
Originally Posted by Paulie
You are under no obligation to loan her the money for the car just cause you said you would. Did she say she would stay clean? did she hold up her end of the deal?
Paulie speaks loudly when she points out that there is nothing wrong with determining that lending her the money would not be the best option. This may be crazy, but if she is 18
and drinking, I would want to know why she thinks that it is okay for her to be drinking when the legal age is 21? There are boundaries out there already, set by the government, that you cannot legally drink until you are 21. This isn't Mom and Dad's rules, these are the rules of society as a whole. If she doesn't follow the most basic of societal rules, then there will be consequences. This is not being mean - this is life. Rules can be healthy boundaries that help us to make it through the day with a lesser amount of chaos.
We don't get any guarantees about anything in life. And there are many reasons why you might need to make the decision to not loan her the money. Bottom line, if you feel uneasy even the slightest regarding loaning her the money, then I would hold off doing so until you can determine what specifically is making you feel uneasy and can verbalize this to her. She doesn't have to agree with how you see things. I would bet money that she won't - but the alcoholic is not going to embrace logic and healthy boundaries if they keep them from what they want. You're not going to get permission from you daughter to be her mother. You are her mother and you know why you feel the way you do. It might help if you list out for yourself the specific reasons why you are uncomfortable with loaning her the money. Then if there should be any pouting or fussing about why you won't help her you'll have your list to refer to.
Good luck with this - life is hard enough at times without any added drama. Take care -
Petunia