With each relapse I feel more human.
With each relapse I feel more human.
What does that mean? I can feel it but explaining it seems harder to do.
So here goes….
I had a bad relapse… I say “bad” because… well… it was bad…
This last one made me feel changed in a very deep way.
I was able to see things in me I have learned here on SR. The same things I see in you folks. Despair…fear… shame… and eventually hope
I have by no means found a self empowering routine.
But I can say that I have come to accept the idea of alcoholism as a foundational block of who I am.
Again… what the hell does that mean?
If I accept the possibility that one of my cornerstones is addiction I can then use it to build something on…. Move forward… allow it to be a strong influence in my life without allowing it to destroy. Almost something I can rely on.
By knowing it I can defeat it.
Loss makes me think bigger. Things seem on a bigger scale… I lost houses… jobs… people… relationships.
Time to take my head out of the clouds… but while I am up here I am going to take in a few deep breaths of fresh air.
My best to everyone on SR today.
Ken