Depression Meds and being Sober
Hi Snakes,
I know this has got to be a difficult time for you. I don't know much about AA in Canada, but here in Los Angeles, depression, bi-polar disorder and medications are still a touchy subject. It's way better then it was 20yrs ago when I got sober at 18yrs old.
My depressions have been a struggle through the years in AA because unless someone has experienced chemical imbalance and taken meds, it's really hard for even the most loving of friends to understand.
My sponsor and friends would want to treat my chemical imbalance with step work and after reading, writing, serving, praying, meditating and going to a thousand meetings year after year I was still experiencing horrible depressions and feeling like I must be doing something wrong because if I was working the program "correctly" I wouldn't be depressed and that made me want to die even more. I was willing to do anything, but no one seemed to have any other answers, but to invtry and be of service.
I'm a true believer in ALL of that. I love the twelve steps and am completely convinced I would have killed myself through many of those depressions if I hadn't have learned how to suit up and show up, be willing to go to any lengths and save my ass and not my face, but for me it has become clear that My chemical imbalance is a separate issue from my Alcoholism, but they both affect each other greatly. I had to be willing to turn to professionals. I had to be willing to follow all of the doctors directions, take my meds consistently, stick to a sleep schedule, eat properly and continue to do my 12 step work. When I do all of those things, it was easier for me to clearly see how the meds were affecting me and I could give my psychiatrist detailed info on my moods and energy level. It took me quite a while to find the right balance, but once I did, it really has saved my life.
Please hear me when I say, that I am convinced that I am an alcoholic because I have the obsession of the mind that leads me to drink and once I drink I definitely have the allergy that takes hold and screams MORE! MORE!
And that is where the two cross over for me. My alcoholism will use my chemical imbalance to convince me I can drink, that I'm really just crazy and not a drunk. I have never wanted just one beer or just one of anything. I would bathe in Tequila if I could! The first step was really important for me. I needed to fully concede to my innermost self that I am alcoholic. The book taught me that with the help of the steps, my perspective and reactions to life could change, so when it came to my chemical imbalance, I had the courage to react with faith and what through it, rather then lose my sh--t and act out or get drunk.
You are not alone. Most of us are not doctors, so please try to communicate everything you can with your psychiatrist and when you feel like giving up, know that I and many others have been where you are.
Everyone reacts to meds differently, so I suggest asking a thousand questions when you see your doctor. Remember, it doesn't matter right now what came first the chicken or the egg... just assume for now, that your are an alcoholic with a chemical imbalance and do everything and anything you can think of to help yourself for both.
After 20yrs of being sober and dealing with depression, I have learned that being consistent, honest, open minded and willing, has saved me on both sides of the fence.
I hope my ramble made some sense!
Sarah