there have been times when I resented anyone who was on my path who I felt made me feel shamed. shame does not help in my book. I felt shamed when someone used to tell me that "it wasn't love it was a fantasy" or that I was "in denial" or even that I was a "codependent"...especially that I was "addicted to the addict", "in the way", "a distraction"...etc etc etc!!!!
often times our sense of being insulted comes from an underlying fear about our own character. such as being "dumb". and guess what? when our character, our being, our heart and soul, has been living in the house of smoke and mirrors otherwise known as addict/active addiction/codependency...we can lose our bearing and be a little lost...and we end up feeling like victims/stupid/self pity/doormats/why me/why me again/anger etc etc etc!! our character/self/ego/spirit has been living in a tornado and we are spun out...our direction goes this way and that and we can ping pong in our emotions.
after many moons I came to realize that though I did not like what felt like shameful accusations whatsoever...they actually were eventually helpful
when I was finally ready to let go, when I had hit my bottom, I looked back and found that it was helpful to realize that parts of my love story were a fantasy and that active addiction was using my hope as a form of denial in order to survive.
take away the shame, take away the fear of being dumb (because none of us are, we are all doing the best we can...) and what you have left are people in your circle of community (a recovery community that you have lovingly discovered for your SELF/SPIRIT) that will hold you accountable to your own life.
some will be soft and gentle, some will be sharp and sturdy, some will point to your red flags, others will sound out like a fog horn for rocks in the water. after you are in recovery longer and longer, the sharp foghorns will become your friends, and you will come to depend on them to help guide you...even if there is recovery happening for both you and your AH.
none of us are dumb, but we can be so very tossed about on the sea of addiction. we are all here as crew. some are in the galley making hot tea, some are helping navigate and others remind us to swab the deck...
stay steady on your course