Dear aeo-
First I want to applaud you for coming here instead of using!!!!! I really do know how hard it is to get through a fit of rage totally sober. Before I started drinking alcoholiclly, I would act out in anger, putting my fist through a mirror, ripping loved ones apart with my words and an all around witch. Whats worse, I thought I was entiteled to this behavior. So I believe I had the personality before I started to numb out. To me, the beauty of recovery is a chance to recreate me with the help of my higher power. It takes time and as my sponcor says, we make mistakes all day long. It's ok. The fact that you came here and poured out your heart instead of picking up shows growth and strength already!! Youre on your way to where you want to be!