Hey Sark, Don't be too hard on yourself! Learn from this and practice reaching out, the phone only weighs 50 pounds if it is never used. People from the meetings are here to help not judge, they love to help it gives them a purpose as well.
Think about something positive at least you didn't need a year or two before asking for help, or you didn't have to lose your family; life is nothing but learning lessons or should I say experiences. When you have some times under your belt you will recognize someone else who might beat themselves up too much and then you will want to help see the change.
God bless you on your journey, keep coming back, and stay close to meetings and the fellowship, it really works!