Aeo, I have issues with anger too. Fortunately, now that I'm no longer drinking, I handle them much better but when I was drinking, I would fly into rages at my husband and kids that were just plain awful. There's no way to take back what was said, but your daughter is old enough that a sincere apology from you, along with an explanation of your finances and why you got upset, will probably go a long way.
I sat my almost 17 year old son down one day, not long after I got sober, and had a long talk with him about my drinking, how it changed me, and why I couldn't stop. I told him that it had NOTHING to do with him - that none of it was his fault and that I never wanted him to blame himself for my behavior. Then I apologized to him for every last thing I did and said to him that had hurt him and I asked for his forgiveness. I think that was one of the most meaningful talks we've ever had.
My point is that your daughter is old enough for you have an honest conversation with her about your depression, your anger issues, etc. She needs to know that none of it is her fault, that it is something inside of you that you are trying to learn to control. Kids internalize so much of what we do as parents ... they are quick to blame themselves for every little thing and it's our job to make sure that as the adults, we don't put that responsibility on them either intentionally or unintentionally. The great thing is that kids are so resilient when we give them a chance to be. I wasn't sure I'd ever have a good relationship with my kids after being so abusive while I was drinking, but they have forgiven me and moved on and we've had a chance to rebuild. I wish I'd had that opportunity with my alcoholic parents.
Please don't beat yourself up too much, Ann. Give that little girl a big hug and an apology and maybe you can use the time in the car to just chat about life.
