There is nothinng wrong with crying about it, it's such a disappointment you you have been through so much.
Please , have some compassion for yourself, if you knew then , what you know now, it never would have happened.
You get to be sad, and lonely, and depressed, and angry, just not at yourself this is part of the process, no time was wasted, on the other side is a huge amount of growth on all levels and the possibility for greater happiness.
Give yourself a break, if you do, I'll give myself a break too.
xooxoxoxoxo