Hi JB,
Welcome. I can relate with your story. I am adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA) and my father's drinking escalated to insane amounts when I was 12 years of age and the craziness went off the charts.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this and the pain is in intense and many posters on this site can relate. If you keep coming here it will help. You will find support and experience, strength and hope. It does get better if you utilize the many resources at your fingertips... this site, books, and alanon and counselors can be invaluable. They were lifesavers for me.
The key is finding the RIGHT alanon meeting and the RIGHT counselor... it is SO worth the effort of a concentrated search for the right people in your life to mentor through these trying times.
I am considerably older than you and did not start counseling until I was in my thirties ... it is my biggest regret that I did not do this sooner. I made sure my children got counseling once I knew their father had an addictive personality and we divorced.
I know this is a lot of information for you... but my regrets may be not in vain if you take the time to find a good counselor... I promise you that you will feel so much better so much faster if you jump start this part of recovery.
Alanon... same thing. meetings are different at different times and locations. Their literature is fantastic. I recommend that you try a few more meetings.
Stickies: threads at the top. Great stuff...sort of like readers digest for recovery.
I wish I could give you a great big hug right now... and know that I am sending you cyber hugs and praying for you and that you find peace and serenity. It does happen... it takes time though and know that we care about you here at SR.