Dearest JB,
My heart goes out to you. You pretty much just told my story. I am 27 now, but when I first came to SR I was 19 and I was in undergrad. My mom has always been a neglectful alcoholic and it was a norm for me until I went to college. I finally realized that she was very ill. She also lost our home and a lot of my things were throw out while I was away because she did not bother to empty the house. Just kept drinking and doing God knows what.
In undergrad, I was a sobbing wreck. I was full of sadness and hurt. I never did find an al-anon group that was close by. But I've been through counseling for years. I've written in a lot of journals. When I was your age, I posted here a lot. If you click on my name, you can pull up all the theads I started, including one entitled "She lost the house."
I also happen to be my mom's youngest child and I am still attached to her. Since I've been out of her house I have learned healthy detachment. I can't hold in and fixate on her changing because it is not good for me. So we have a distant relationship and I see her a couple of times a year.
I am still healing from the trauma of growing up in such a household. It does get better though. You are stronger and more powerful than you know. Check out the suggested books. Beattie's Codependency No More and Beyond Codependency really helped me out a lot. I also read a few books about being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic by Janet Woititz.
I am so sorry for what you are going through, but you came to the right place.
Love and light to you always,
Lily