Hi JB
Welcome to SR. I’m so sorry to hear of your sadness over your mother. You have made a great step coming here – there are so many people here who will be able to share their wisdom with you. All our stories/circumstances might be slightly different, but we all know exactly where you’re coming from. Hopefully even knowing this can give you a certain amount of comfort to begin with. We all know about the false hopes, the disappointments, the loneliness and isolation, the worry, and I could go on and on. Alcoholism is a tragic disease, it truly is, and the affect it has on those of us unfortunate enough to be close to someone suffering from the disease is overwhelming.
I’m so sorry Al Anon didn’t work for you. It is advised that you should try multiple meetings before you make your mind up about it. However, I can very much understand that if it was such an unpleasant experience you might be reluctant to go back. Something that has helped me cope with people I’ve been uncomfortable with at meetings is to try and think about what kind of day they might have had, and that maybe their glaring isn’t AT me, it's just glaring if you know what I mean. I can’t describe how valuable Al Anon has been to me in beginning my recovery, so I truly hope you can find the strength to try it again.
Writing stuff out really does help doesn’t it? Keep doing it, keep coming back, keep reading here – there is a wealth of helpful information here from people who have been there/are still there and who care.
Adventure