Daughter of an Alcoholic Mother... I need help.
*I know its long, but please read...*
I'm JB. I'm 20 years old, going into my senior year of college and my mother is a severe alcoholic.
Problems started to arise a couple years after my parent's split when I was 12, going into 7th grade. High school was tough, but my mom was pretty stable with the drinking, and my junior and senior year she was sober. And then... I left for college 500 miles away. I am the youngest of 2, but I was always closer to my mom than my brother (who's 4 years older) which made her excessive drinking hardest on me. College has been the worst with her drinking. Whether its not calling me for weeks, or disappearing when I'd visit home or just being drunk every possible minute. Then things started to get worse, she missed thanksgiving, then Christmas, and even my own birthday.... she didn't even call me...
She hasn't had a job in almost a year and is about to lose my childhood home which means the world to me.
The reason I wanted to write this post is because recently I have came to a weird conclusion of sorts. In my mind, I think this behavior and situation with my mom is temporary... once I graduate college, shes going to go back to being the perfect mom that she used to be, not forgetting I existed and succumbing to the disease. But its not true. Once I graduate, she'll be the same, when I go to grad school, she'll be the same, etc, etc. I have such false hopes, and even as I'm writing this I STILL can't come to terms with the fact that this is how its going to be.... forever.
I've tried Alanon, and it was a horrible experience. I was the youngest person there, and this woman kept glaring at me. I also tried therapy, but it made me feel like a crazy person, and the woman didn't help me at all.
Its 1:17am, and I'm sitting alone sobbing.
I'm probably just writing this to no one, but it feel almost, sort of, good to get it out.
I don't know what to do anymore.....