Marcus, it sounds like you've been through hell and back, but it took finally wanting it for it to stick. You should be very proud of yourself.
I keep reading things about the "addictive mind" and yes, anvil head, he's quite an a**. No argument there. But, aren't all actively using addicts? Thoughtless, selfish, lying, master manipulators? Yes, hes still using the subutex, but nothing else that i know of. I had this idea in my head that he would have some insight once the drugs left the building. But, Marcus, it sounds like you're saying the insight has to come first before the real changes can occur, before even the sobriety. If so, then it is truly a helpless situation for now anyway. Because his insight is practically non-existent minus tiny glimpses very rarely. Not enough to count.
I fear he's going to have to leave before the message is finally in his head that I'm done with this life even if he isn't. Thankfully, I'm finally prepared to do that. I've prepared for everything, including the fact that I will probably have to be supported financially by my bf's father when my bf gets kicked out and stops supporting us. My income isn't enough to support us which is at least half the reason I've stuck around this long.
I still can't get the hopefulness out of my head, but I guess only time will tell. You know what they say, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. That's about where I am right now! He'll be in for a shock if he thinks I'm bluffing. But, I think he finally gets that this is the end of the road. I've stopped the belittling, nagging, emotional blackmail. If he doesn't catch up with my progress, then he'll pay the price and that's all on him. I have NO guilt.