Hello Emily and welcome to SR. I am sorry for what brought you here, but I'm glad you found us.
A very wise person - the founder of SR - told me some really hard things when I first came here. First, he told me that I could love my son right into his grave if I didn't get out of the way and let his own higher power have a direct line of communication with him. He also told me that things I did for him that I thought were "helping him" were actually hurting him - that he needed to have the dignity and joy of experiencing his own consequences.
That was hard for me to hear, and harder yet to put into action. Years later I can tell you it was the best thing I could have done for both of us - I got out of the way and let him be in charge of his own life, his choices, his consequences, etc. I put all of my energy into learning about my own recovery, boundaries, etc so that I could be the best and healthiest ME possible. I told myself he had some really important life lessons to learn and they weren't from me.
I had to really concentrate on those 3 C's -
I didn't cause it,
I can't control it and
I can't cure it.
I figured out that I wasn't any more in charge of his recovery options than I was his drug use. It was all HIS to figure out.
Others will be along soon to share their own ESH -experience, strength and hope.