I see nothing wrong with trying both places. I'm sure they will welcome you anyways. Keep being strong and reaching out. You can get through this and there are better days ahead. Imagine putting all that love and energy that you gave to him and giving it to yourself. Imagine knowing what you want out of life and going for it without having to worry about him and his illness anymore. Imagine loving you unconditionally. Unconditionally. That is what this is all about.
Love,
Lily