Day one, I barely moved... Chain smoked and cried all day whilst watching 700 episodes of intervention. The high point of the day: I gave away all the remaining alcohol I had in my house instead of drinking it.
Day two, I spent the majority of the day on this website and came to a lot of realizations about myself. I only asked of myself to make a great dinner for my daughter and myself when she got home from school and do some laundry. I did those things... Along with some other household chores. I also wrote an email to all the people in my life supporting me through this crazy time. I have come to understand today that my relationship was just as toxic as my problem with alcohol, and I miss him just as much. It was his birthday today, so ignoring that and not reaching out to him was a big step. I also thought about what I WANT from a relationship. I was watching a funny show I like, Modern Family, and it was an episode where everyone in the family were having all these normal, family, type fights. I couldn't fight with him... Any sort of argument ended up with him leaving me and using that as an excuse to sleep with someone else for the short duration we would be separated. Of course, he'd never do this quietly -- He'd need to text me all the time and tell me all about how he was going to find someone who deserved him. While watching this show, I just started laughing to myself and thought "I miss friggin' fighting!" I'd never had this problem in other relationships and I thought about all the stupid little relationship fights I was able to have with other people. These thoughts are actually so important to me, because my past partner has led me to believe that I pretty much suck at life... Or at least, thats what he tried to do.
So I'm feeling good about taking on Day 3. I won't be getting back my job or car tomorrow and am still looking at losing my house... but I think I'm going to actually go outside, do some errands, browse around a book store. While clawing my way back to the life I had only a week ago looks so far off -- I feel like day 3 will have a foot in the right direction.
Thanks for all the interaction today guys... Sharing your stories and commenting on mine. You got me through the day.
