My situation is somewhat similar. I am in relationship with a "normal" drinker. He doesn't use alcohol daily, and he doesn't abuse it when he does. I too am a mean, belligerent drunk, at least towards him. We have been round and round on this issue over the last two years. He even quit drinking with me once for two months. I haven't had much success with AA, perhaps because I am not consistent enough. I felt like it was next to impossible to find a sponsor or connect with anyone outside of meetings. That is why I have turned here. Although, I do plan on trying AA again. Right now I am on day two... and its not as hard because its a weeknight (I tend to be a binger). However, I have to admit I know there is a bottle of wine in the cupboard and its calling my name. Part of me wants to throw it out and the other part can't imagine doing such a thing! I guess that's why I am an alcoholic.
Anyhow, CactusJill, I think you should follow your heart and keep doing "the next right thing"... Also, be wary of the lies us addicts are so great at telling ourselves.