I know, it's all here right now, I'm still up at 1am just crying for no reason. I'm sure it's just all the flippin emotions I kept bottled up over the last five/six months or so that are coming out finally. It's okay though, I'm alright with it. I got a call from another friend tonight that also has dealt with some major relapses and they called me out of the blue. Was actually kind of nice...we both want to stay sober this time around. I can't beat my body up anymore, it's not going to make things any better for me.