Originally Posted by
SLady 
Bill, like your wife, I am a spouse of an acoa and the main breadwinner.
"I am a wife, a mother, a nurse, which is just like being someone else's mother, and I don't know if there is a me in there"
I think what she meant is this : as a wife, mother, nurse, she is always putting another person's (you, the children, her patients) needs before her own.
She has to be strong all the time. It will be nice if once in a while, she can rely on someone else for a change ie, someone else looking after her for a change.
Sometimes, when us women/mom's/wives do so much and are sooo strong all the time b/c often, in many cases, we HAVE to be....sometimes it can get to a point where there is such an imbalance and we find things that are 'unhealthy' and damaging in the long-run appealling to us--or 'sound good' for the moment, but in reality are not good. There was a point in time where another fellow I grew up w/ in school got in touch with me again via the INTERNET (of course--how else does this stuff start half the time lol)--we started talking--and out of nowhere he tried convincing me to try to be with him--despite not knowing anything about my husband, marriage--whether I was in a good or bad marriage--AND despite that he had nothing to bring to the table. Because of my depression at the time, and loneliness, a part of the idea of being with him/someone else appealed to me. After several months of talking, he wanted to meet with me in person w/out my husband and that's when I said no. I couldn't bring myself to do it b/c I just knew it would be wrong. I told my husband about what had happened and apologized. I stopped talking to the guy on my own accord. Still took me a while to get past the idea of being with him. In retrospect....I completely realize my error in thinking at the time and WHY he appealed to me at that time. I was encountering and facing my own intimacy issues for the first time, my husband and I rarely saw each other and when we did--we were both mad at each other about something--or having difficutly getting along, I had MAJOR trust issues--constantly thought he was going to cheat on me or lie to me (b/c that's just what guys do...they either abuse, lie, or cheat--or all of the above--that's the model of thinking I grew up with), we were stressed financially so I was working a lot as well as he was, etc...the list goes on. I had no balance...no inkling of how to take care of myself or recognize my own needs so as to NOT burn out and freak out, so I was looking for an escape. In reality...sometimes we feel a certain way in a moment--and sometimes other people come along and try to convince us that we'd be happier with them, but in reality...we'd STILL be dealing with the same issues with someone else. the grass is not always greener...no matter how often we make the mistake of sometimes thinking so. We'll always have a problem to overcome in any relationship--I may have an issue in my marriage in a certain area...then come to find I have an issue in a different area with the other person I moved onto. Everyone's got stuff they have to overcome...and I KNOW I was NOT in my right mind when I was talkng to that guy. Also, what's interesting...is this guy reminded me A LOT of my own husband lol....which is also kind of ironic in a way.
In regards to your wife, it could be an issue of this guy feeding her lines that 'she needs something more' in her life and/or it could just be her needing to find a balance and slow down. But these are all things she'll have to figure out for herself. Truly, it will be more rewarding for her to continue investing in the family she has started with you--even if there are times when she may feel like she wants to run away from it all. But she will need to realize that. There's nothing u can do but love her and be there for her the best you can. Hopefully this is just a temporary bump in the road that she needs to get passed until she figures things out for herself.
My husband has said to me...when we've had difficulties in our relationship, there's been times where he's thought...gee it'd be a lot easier to find someone else b/c then I wouldn't have to deal w/ this issue b/c this is tiring. But then he said...if it's not this issue, it will be a different issue/hurdle w/ someone else. There will always be something to overcome and at the end of the day, you'll be happy you made the choice to face it and overcome it, and get passed it and see what's waiting for you on the other side. I think a deeper love for one another often is what is found waiting there....after the storms, trials, and tests have passed. Hang in there buddy.