how and the hell does anyone stay sober? I was doing so well but the cravings just killed me.............
That's precisely what the AA book means when it reads on p24 "Our so-called willpower becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."
I did my best to fight it just like you did.... I don't recall ever making it a month - maybe a week or two here and there. For me, I always thought it was the last drinks that did me in. Now I see it's that stupid FIRST one. Once that one's in me.....nothing's gonna stop me short of physically removing the alcohol or me from the alcohol. Not picking up that first one is the key.....but I couldn't avoid that first one for long and, once I started, it was off to the races again.
This is the type of alcoholic AA was designed for and has been working successfully for for almost 80 years. If you can find a way to stop, stay stopped, and enjoy life - that's great. If you can't...or, like me, don't feel like trying and failing for the next month, quarter, year or decade.....I'd suggest getting hooked up with some of the folks in AA.