Thanks for your reply! I guess I wasn't very detailed in my first post...
We live together, and have for almost 14 years, but he has not been drinking at home. Alanon was very surreal- I guess I'm still coming to terms with how this is affecting our relationship, how I never pictured the sober guy I met falling down after 10 years, and how quickly my life became unmanageable.
I've started reading codependent no more and get that I have serious issues. Am I the only one who wonders when I became this person? A lot of people on this forum advocate getting away from their AH- but will that help if it turns out I'm the problem?
Sorry to put so much out there at once- I just feel like I lost myself somewhere...