Thank you all, I know all I can do is work on me.
I learned the hard way with my mother and my ex-wife that pushing someone only pushes them away.
I told her I would not tolerate her having an affair of any kind (emotional, virtual, actual, whatever) and if it did not stop that I would ask her to leave our home.
I truly believe she knows this is not the answer to her problems, she may not know what the right answer is but she knows it is not an affair.
I was thinking a retreat or a spa, somewhere for her to just concentrate on herself for a few days.