Thank you all so much.
Her exact word were "I am a wife, a mother, a nurse, which is just like being someone else's mother, and I don't know if there is a me in there"
She struggles to see herself as a good mom, she does not miss a school play or anything where the kids are getting an award, she does not make all their practices and games because there are just too many, but she schedules in as many as she can.
I found out she had been emailing and was planning to meet man she met somewhere online, that did not go over well at all and the fur flew all over the house, she has agreed not to talk to him anymore and allow me access to her computer and phone anytime I want.
Now she says maybe she wants to go to grad school. IMHO she does not need more things on her plate, but I told her to do what made her happy.
I don't see how adding grad school will improve her struggles with her view of her mothering skills.
I believe individual and joint counseling is what is needed but she is dragging her feet on going.
Thanks again all of you for the help.
Bill