soberred

I'm not being true to myself. I wake up every morning hopeful. I try to be positive. I say to myself I am feeling good. I am happy today. It's really not true. I realized today that it is just another way for me to repress my real feelings. If I am happy, then things aren't so bad. But they are bad. I am in financial ruin. My relationship is in the toilet. Arguments every day. The term-oil and stress at home is emotionally and physically draining. I walk on eggshells. I never know what mood to expect. Last night I came to realization that either he fell out of love with me or he really never loved me in the first place. Either or, it hurts. I'm not putting my happiness in one person. It's just I am weak, lonely and vulnerable right now and I really don't want to be alone right now. Even though I really am alone. My emotions are amplified I know. I have an appointment this month with my counselor but its so far away. It's not going be an immediate resolution though. I put myself back on my antidepressants until I can see my therapist. I have to get through this. Today I want to sleep, Cry and sleep. But not drink.