Welcome delacalle -
You're not alone - Most all of us have been in the same spot, where we "know" what we need to do yet can't seem to do it on our own..... we keep reaching for the drink/drug anyway.
I'm glad you reached out today, so that we can tell you that you don't have to live this way anymore, that there are solutions and resources to help you get sober. If we can do it, you can too!:ghug3
(This is just my 2 cent's worth, but I think it's worth considering inpatient rehab, especially when there are underlying issues and/or need for a medical detox. I suffered from untreated depression long before I drank, and going to a treatment center to address that (as well as addiction) was one of the best things I ever did.)