Well, I have a lease right now. I am planning to get out once it is up. I hope I have the courage to follow through this next time. I have attempted to leave many times, but his mother has always talked me into staying. I was going to leave during my pregnancy, right before and after I gave birth and a couple times thereafter. I understand that it is my fault for not listening to my head. His mom always tells me how much he loves me. Pretty weird in my opinion. Shouldn't it be he that declares his love for me, not his mom? LOL. I mean he has said those words but I have never felt like he meant them, not once. Anyways, she has bullied me into staying with him countless times and tries to manipulate me by saying she will help him fight for custody of our son and what not. She is very possessive of my child in an almost weird way. I have to give her the benefit of the doubt in that it is her only grandchild. Her other son doesn't want kids, and I don't think my ABF does either.
There is a dynamic to her relationship with my boyfriend that is unhealthy. She completely enables him and I think it is due to the fact that she abandoned him when he was 18 months and saw him sporadically growing up. He mentioned that a few times he would be waiting with his bags packed and she wouldn't show up. So now she is in his life, but enables and makes excuses and fixes all his problems (including me) constantly. My point is I think he became very detached due to this trauma. His dad said he cried for almost 6 months straight after his mom left him as an infant. His dad (whom supports me and I like a lot) says my ABF is a very selfish person and has always made selfish choices. That is why I am starting to believe he has narcissistic/sociopathic tendencies. I don't think he is a serial killer or anything like that or would even intentionally hurt someone. He actually loves animals and is gentle with them (maybe more so than his fellow humans) I think he experienced deep emotional wounds as an infant and the result is him present day. Do I think it is sad, YES. I think for a long time I thought I could fill that emptiness but the more I know him the more I realize I have never been in a deep relationship with him. Everything, even after five years, is at surface level. He doesn't talk about any feelings and seems to have only two or three emotions.... rage, haughtiness, and glibness. He acts like he is happy by giving the appearance of a weird smile (it is hard to describe this smile) but there never seems to be any true emotion behind his actions. I didn't come to the conclusion that he was narcissistic lightly and I have read tons of books on alcoholism, verbal abuse, narcissism. I know narcissism is a condition for sociopathic tendencies as well. I know many addicts are narcissistic as well. I don't want to believe it, really, I truly don't. I want to believe that my love and my son's love can change him, but I digress, I can't change anyone.
Maybe, if he were to get sober, he'd be different. I don't know. I have never really known him sober, ever. He was drunk the day I met him. He lived at the beach and everyone partied down there so I didn't really consider the fact he was drunk when we met at all. I have never had any experiences with an alcoholic in a r/s sense. He relapsed back into drugs after that, got off drugs and back on the alcohol. Maybe his feelings are just numb because of the drugs and hurt and there is a decent human being in there. I hope there is for my son's sake. I am not a psychiatrist. I am just an observer.
Thanks for listening.