Emmy, I am going thru the same thing right now. You sound just like me. Best advice I can give you is worry about yourself and your kids. My AH just relapsed after 8 sober months heavy into recovery and active in his intensive outpatient program. Then Fri he decided sober life is boring and walked out on me and our 3 kids the Fri before Mothers Day. You have to show your kids by example. I am so embarassed of all the time I wasted worrying about someone who has no respect for me. In your gut, you know what to do. You just need the self esteem to do it.