I hear you. I'm actually re-reading all of my posts right now. The hard thing about this is this chaos happens once a year. He doesn't act this way or bring up the past or any of this until he goes on one of these binges. I'm not dealing with someone who comes home drunk every night. It's like he has these periodic meltdowns which gives me hope that the loving person side will win the battle. I KNOW this will never change if he doesn't actively seek help, and I don't feel that his getting help is my problem/business. I also see someone who has made some progress to where he goes a long time between these episodes. I am struggling with whether or not to support him in getting help. I already told him I'm not coming home and I will not discuss any of his issues unless it's with a professional present.