oh hun ((( ))) i know how you feel about thinking you are living with to people i often feel like i'm married to 2 people and i totally understand about wanting a family and you feel robbed because they are taking that away from you. i'd love another one and its not cause i'd want another child with a drunk its because i want another baby and its not a feeling i can switch off. its also kind of dreaming you can have a normal life.
i wish there was a magic button i could hit for him to stop drinking for you hun but there isn't but in no shape or form is any of this your fault.