I did realize after getting into it a bit, that the book is 30 years old. But the science seems reasonable and it is extremely well explained.
I will reiterate, the book helped me.
I have been so angry and frustrated with AW, exasperated that she has made such terrible and destructive decisions which have defied all logic. Behaviors that go against her faith, core values, and what I know she really wants in this life.
At this point I have personally given up my home, my life savings, rental property, and my retirement plan in the process of legal separation (in order to buy AW's share of my family business to which she contributed nothing). I will be paying her thousands of dollars per month for five more years. I live in a one bedroom apartment while she lives in our nice house.
I have been in that place where so many of us has been: feeling trapped and isolated and frustrated, dreading the cost and complexity of divorce and wondering how it could possibly work.
But when the pain of staying finally exceeded my fear of uncertainty, I decided, what the heck...nothing changes if nothing changes. I made moves slowly but surely, one difficult step at a time, in order to regain my own sanity and a sense of control over my life. All the while praying, Lord help me.
So here I am. My new life. Friends and family supporting me and looking forward to me having the life I deserve. But guess what: I still love AW. I don't know how to turn it off. I have no interest in other women, in fact I wouldn't know what to do with someone else.
So I'm going to al anon, traveling and enjoying my new minimalist lifestyle, sorting all this out. I've quit drinking and smoking weed myself, working the program so to speak, etc. Reading SR daily because it comforts me.
And then one night, last night, I read this book, and it helped me.
I guess I am feeling grateful for a clear head, friends and family, God, and of course all of you strangers here on SR who absolutely understand what all this is like, better than anyone in my immediate circle. So thank you!