My first thought upon reading the title of this thread was "is that REALLY the situ?"
I used to think " I want to use" and then something inside me would pipe up, "no, what you really want is to feel differently than you feel now."
and I realized that is the reality of the situation. I don't want to use. Using never helps me, but I DO want to feel, other than I feel. So I face my situation and start working towards viable ways to address it that will end with me feeling better, without making anything worse.
Chronic pain is exhausting, and very tricky because it seems there IS a quick fix. Throw some real stress and mental pain in there and it's a tall order. Still and all, there are others ways to address the situation then digging a deeper hole and jumping in with two feet. Because the hole I would be digging is my own grave.
We all have to find our own solutions that take into account our strengths, talents, situations and options. I am confident that you will find yours.