NewbieJ

This is how I used to think. What should I be doing? What can I do to help him, to fix him, to make him happy so he doesn't have to drink or treat me the way that he does? In your situation as you said he is not rude or abusive to you, but yet you still feel that sense that something is wrong, correct? That little voice is legitimate - something is wrong because alcohol is the most important thing to him. And it takes him away from you and your kids as the husband and father he could be.

What you should be doing is attending al-anon meetings whenever you can - ask a neighbor or trusted friend/family member to watch your kids while you go to the meetings.

Welcome to Al-Anon Family Groups Click "How to find a meeting"

As spouses or loved ones of alcoholics, we come to sites like this or to al-anon probably wondering what WE are doing wrong. But we learn that we are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable - that's the First Step of the 12 Steps.

YOU need to take care of yourself and your children. Surely this is hard for you because you are used to taking care of everyone but yourself, thinking of yourself last, but this has to change. You and your children need to come first. The oxygen mask metaphor still stands - and the oxygen mask can be here as others have stated, as well as al-anon.

Just a share - when I leave al-anon, I am filled with hope for me. I feel the love of these strangers who I just met a week ago, and who are so happy to see me and from whom I receive endless hugs and support. I can detach from my husband's drinking and feel that I have control over ME and where my life is headed. I fully recognize that he has a problem that I cannot control, and if he decides to seek help that is his doing, but I must help myself.

Hang in there, you are NOT alone! You have us, and you have al-anon waiting when you are ready to take that first step.