Thank you for this post. For a while now I occasionally would think, "When is this going to tone down, and when will I be a normal drinker?" Truthfully, I don't see that happening, and oddly enough I don't think I even want that, even if it were possible. Alcohol is poison. Controlled or not, it's no good. So that brings comfort to know that it's not something I have to feel ashamed about (not ever being a normal drinker).
I can't help but think that if you're sober for so many years and then you go and give alcohol another chance --- you're just setting yourself up to fail again? Maybe it's not the case with others, but to me alcohol tastes disgusting. I've adapted to certain things here and there, but ultimately, it's gross. You cannot say vodka is oh so yummy. cmon. I drank so much of it because of the feeling it gave me, not because I enjoy the taste. So we have "normal drinkers" who have a glass of wine, maybe giggle and little, and then go home fine. no problem. Where was their cut off? Why didn't they need that second glass? Something in them is content, okay, ...... the wine wasn't there to fill a void. It was just there to be there. Or was it?
Sorry to get off topic (I do this a lot), but I just really want to get down to the last hairy, psychological drop of why we drink???????