ItIsAboutTime

This rings true with me - my AH would always accuse me of not "supporting" him. When I asked him what he needs by way of support I would never get anything specific. No matter what happens, he will find a way to blame you. It's hard to think of your own situation objectively, but I've asked myself a lot if anyone other than him could say I didn't try and the answer is no. I don't think an non-addict can look at your situation and say you didn't try. I'm finding now that being unsupportive is actually making my AH do something to change (whether or not he follows through remains to be seen) - take away the safety net and they will soon get a reality check. What they do with it is their decision but you don't have to be dragged down with him. (And how supportive is he being of you and your child anyway?)

I started detaching by planning my life for different outcomes. Okay, I'm not leaving right now, but what can I do that will put me in a better position whether I stay or go? Stashing away money, reorganizing and putting important stuff where you can grab it if you need to leave in a rush, deciding where you can go if you can't stay where you are, figuring out how you can survive without his income. I'm a planner by nature but just looking into different ways I can go is helping me realize that I'm not stuck where I am - it will be hard but it can change if I put in the effort. It's actually making it harder for my husband to convince me to stay because there are better options out there - I don't know if I want to give those options up to continue the way things are.

(BTW - I've also been with my A 7 years. I'm 1 class away from my MBA- if I can pass this class with all the drama from my AH I can finally see the light! ) :ghug3