Where we don't want to end up ...
I struggle on the weekends, to a point, as I'm sure many of us do. For me, it's usually boredom because my weekdays are pretty well filled with kid stuff and work. Weekends offer too much "down time," so if I ever have thoughts of drinking (which I don't anymore, thank God), that will be the time.
Today in my AA meeting, it was mentioned that "one of us" was in the hospital ... bound to a bed with restraints, and in one of "those rooms" with the lock on the "wrong" side of the door. This poor lady had tried to commit suicide a few days ago because she couldn't see a way out of the alcoholic life she had created for herself. Some of our members had gone to see her this morning and shared that experience at the meeting today.
As sad as that story was, it is not unusual. If we don't get sober, our options are limited ... jail, insanity, or death. It's that simple. We often like to hope that OUR story will be different ... that some day, some way, we will be able to drink like "normal" people, that we can "moderate," that we can find a way to still drink while maintaining family relationships, jobs, etc. But the reality paints a different picture.
I live in a small resort town here, and our local hospital only holds 6 detox beds. At any given time, they are all FULL. No doubt full of people who still hold out the hope, however unrealistic, that they can continue to drink without consequences. That used to be me, and I spent some time in one of those 6 beds. It wasn't pleasant but it did teach me that I will be there again unless I am rigorously honest with myself.
I am an alcoholic. I can't drink like most people. In fact, I can't drink at all. One drink, and I'm finished. So the only way to stay out of one of those 6 beds is to accept that I can never drink again ... and I have accepted that. Hearing this horrible story today drove that point home with a vengeance. Drinking, for me, equals death. Maybe not today or next week or next year ... but a dirt nap is inevitable if I ever go back to that way of life.
Just wanted to share this with you ... it was another wakeup call for me, and I hope it helps you on your journey too.