Yes you can be who you want to be, not what she thinks you are. You don't need her version of you to control you.
My parents were physically abusive, my AF and enabling Mother both. She would fall into patterns late in life of gossiping about other people and what bad parents they were. Strangers, neighbors, relatives. And they were just normal, nothing abusive. It was like she had been the best parent in the world. More than once I had it out with her and told her that what she allowed and participated in with me and my sibs was far worse and that today SHE would have been jailed. Then she would say she didn't remember any such thing, she has had mini strokes that conveniently took all the abuse memories but kept all the other minutia of daily life. In my case, when I really pressed her and got angry, the next day she would land in the hospital with another unconfirmed mini stroke. And so it went until she died at 97. I saw that I was not going to get anywhere with recompense from her so I gave up and was a dutiful forgiving daughter for my sake. Kept her at arms length but no longer had any bitterness or expectations. Just pity.
I hope you can emotionally detach from your Mom. It will save you.