((Krys)) - My XABF was an adult child of an alcoholic. His dad was a drunk, his mom an enabler and a raging codie. What I finally learned was that I couldn't undo his past. I couldn't make it right. There wasn't enough love in me to undo what was done.
HE saw no problem. HE didn't want to get better, deal with life on life's terms. He was in his 40's (as was I..he was 2 years older than I) and now that he's 52? He STILL sees no problem in his life (from what I heard from my friends).
It took me seeing my niece raised...by my stepmom (ACOA, spouse of an A (before my dad) and an A) to see that I really can't change the dynamics. I love my niece, but she is 18, pregnant, and has been drinking/using (until the pregnancy) from the time she was 11.
I can't fix it as long as SHE doesn't want to fix it. I can't fix my ex, if HE is convinced everything is fine.
The best I can do is live MY life and be a role model. Whether others want to be like me, recovering and holding boundaries? I can't do anything about it.
Life is too short. I refuse to spend another few decades trying to fix someone else.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy