Welcome to SR......glad you're back but as always.....very sorry for the reason. Addiction (and codependence) is not reserved for the poor or uneducated. It is an equal opportunity disease.
20/20 hindsight for me. My biggest issue is and has been poor boundaries. Addicts have this ability to see a hole in the fence and get through it. There are so many issues that are normally "understood" boundaries that, if not stated clearly, aren't boundaries as far as the addict is concerned. Any sign of weakness will be taken advantage of.
Trying to detach without high, tight, strong boundaries is difficult at best.
Like many addicts (including my AS), he sounds psychologically, emotionally and spiritually abusive. It's really hard to stay detached when that type of activity is going on. I can't act normal with my son because there is no normal with him.....and it was the same with his addicted father. They will reel me in (if I let them) with honey and wham....they go into attack mode. And I went back for it.....time and time and time again.
We all do whatever we do when we're on this path of recovery......we all learn our lessons and reach our saturation point at varying times through varying degrees of "stuff".
The meetings are a great idea. It's really nice to have the face2face support.
gentle hugs
ke