(((Krys))) - When my first XABF wasn't drinking? He was still inconsiderate and selfish. He would tell me things he thought I wanted to hear (and I did, and it worked) but rarely came through on the actions.
I truly hope you don't spend around 20 years with this guy, only to find out that take away the drinking? The only thing I could truly trust was that he was rarely going to do what he said unless there was something in it for him.
It's not easy, wanting them to do what they say they will, and I had to get burned a lot (not just by him, by other people who do NOT have addiction issues) to trust in actions rather than words.
It did hurt (sometimes still does), I felt let down, but the sooner I could get to the point where I could say "hmmm" when they said something and could tell myself that I'd be okay, no matter what, the better I got at letting what these people said go in one ear and out the other.
It made me feel like I was a "last resort" person. IF they didn't have something better come up, IF they felt like spending time with me, IF, IF, IF, then I would see or hear from them. That's a really icky feeling to have, but it was my "norm" for a long time.
It was my friend calls my "uncomfortable comfort zone" and it's finally become totally uncomfortable, though I do still slip and slide at times.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy