Originally Posted by
unentschieden 
5 and a quarter months. I'm amazed that so much time has passed since I had my last drink.
Remember, counting time, as if you are setting new abstinence records every day, has no meaning within the context of permanent abstinence, and is Beast activity. Your Beast is locked onto that last drink as if it were a delicious, mouth watering meat ball, and IT is amazed that so much time has passed. IT will try to create a sense of wonderment and amazement that it has been SO LONG since you've had a drink. The next time you start thinking about "how long it has been," just recognize it as addictive voice, relax, and let the Beast count time.
Originally Posted by
unentschieden Why is it that I am strangely jealous of people who decide to relapse?
Are you strangely jealous, unentschieden, or is your Beast? Your Beast will always be jealous of people who have a little personal party and call it a relapse. Don't get that mixed up, and recognize the Beast yearning for its own personal party.