Originally Posted by Thumper

I was PLENTY controlling and manipulative when I was a raging co-dependent. I didn't always frame it to myself as controlling and manipulating. i was 'helping' others to do the right thing, make things go right, better their life. Yuck. Sometimes I knew darn well i was trying to manipulate the situation and at the time I was afraid not to. I was always afraid that if I did not create scenarios that played out in the way I had it in my mind that the entire world would just fall apart. I would do x in order to get y to happen in order get z to happen.

I wasn't controlling in the ways you mention though. That seems like a lot of panic at losing someone or something and instead of taking responsibility or accepting it he is blaming others and if only he could get all the other things out of the way, his life would go back to the way he wants it. I always tried to control the future, not change the past or present.

Anyway - when you get tired of it, you'll quit listening to it. I have other raging co-dependents in my life. Unchecked and unaware. You can quit listening, quit engaging, and just walk away, hang up, ignore, change the subject, tell them that topic is off the table from now on etc. You can really really do that, and quite easily, but there is the tricky matter of convincing yourself that you have the right and ability to do so.