Tony, I am glad to hear from you, but sorry that not much has changed. I had thought you'd taken up your mother's generous offer and had gone into rehab, though I do recall you had many reservations about taking her money etc.
Waiting for the perfect time and place to get clean etc, is risky business. we can always find a reason or two or six hundred why we just can't do it now, shouldn't accept this offer, etc etc.
It is true that in the end it's on us. We either want it and do it or....
I've heard you say "it's definitely time" many times over..if it is, then? People stop drinking, many of us without rehab. Rehab may help you very much, but you don't have to wait on it...or you can go to one that's neither in your town OR KC...it's a big world.
As always, you have my full love and support.