I think you are brave to post these thoughts and I thank you for doing so.
In my experience, it helped me a lot to get ANGRY at my Beast. I starved it. I burned it with honesty. I discovered it is just a liar like everyone else's Beast. I pushed it into the corner. I locked it away.
It is ugly, mean and most of all a LIAR.
I look back at my drunks and going to bed soused and waking up scared, sad, remorseful, disappointed. My Beast feeds on separation, despair, powerlessness.
Today I grow stronger and braver and more alive by feeding myself Recovery and exercise and meaningful work. I make choices that are good for my body, mind and soul. I feel proud of myself.
Thank you for sharing your Beast thoughts. In my experience, sharing my Beast thoughts showed me that they are lies.
Wishing you a good, solid, productive, nourishing sober day.