Originally Posted by
BlueMoon 
My husband of 20 years is currently in the county jail on alcohol-related charges. He could be headed to prison. There was NOTHING that I could have done to prevent/curtail his drinking that night. YES, that causes me great pain. If I have come off as harsh, I sincerely apologize. This topic hits VERY close to home. There are many people that I love deeply who are alcoholics . . . some sober . . . some not. That said :
No. I KNOW this is not EASY. But sometimes it really is that SIMPLE. (Subtle but important difference!)
Someone’s drinking “in general” and that same person drinking around ME are 2 very different things. Since I first got sober my MAIN BOUNDARY has been “Don’t have alcohol in you when you are around me. Period.” That includes everyone in my life. I don’t need the insanity any more.
But as far as the “drinking in general” . . . I have had to learn the HARD way that I can’t fix/stop/whatever anyone but myself. That was a VERY painful thing to realize. If they need an ambulance, I will call 911 . . . otherwise, they can sleep in the front yard and if the police come, THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM. Yes, that sounds harsh. Trust me, it’s really, really not.
I think the “trick” to all of this is that I need to let others live their own lives, make their own mistakes because that’s the only way that I learned. If people had kept on rescuing me and there by preventing the consequences of my actions, I never would have gotten sober. I never would have learned anything. I would still be drinking. I would still be trying to "fix" everyone in sight. The ONLY person I can take care of is ME. I find that when I’m not busy trying to rescue and FIX my husband, I’m free to love him a heckuva lot more. I know that must sound like insanity right now . . .
If my husband passes out on the living room floor CARETAKING/ENABLING is when I try to drag his unconscious body up the stairs, undress him, put his jammies on and put him into bed. On the other hand, CARING is when I put a blanket on him and go up to bed alone.
The best thing I have EVER done for my husband (and all the other alcoholics in my life) was to start taking care of ME and stop trying to fix HIM/THEM. My mind is SO much calmer . . . even in bad times.
THAT is really what I’m trying to say to you. TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST. If you can’t/don’t do that, you will have nothing to give anyone else.
I can’t say enough good things about Al-anon. Check out some of their literature from the library. It has given me a peace of mind that I never knew before. THAT is what I would wish for YOU as well. Give it a shot. It couldn’t hurt. It might help. Ya never know til you try. 
bright blessings
Blue
You aren't being harsh. I just don't think I understood where you were getting at. And, I completely agree with how you say to respond to alcoholics.
To be honest, I was probably enabling him for a while before I even knew he was an alcoholic. I just figured he was young, drank too much every now and then and needed some help in those situations. It has happened to everybody a few times during college or what not. But then I started seeing a regular pattern of it, and that was when I got involved. And, I agree. I can't fix anybody. I know this. But he isn't a stubborn guy, and he is always asking for advice. So, I give it to him very willingly. It usually isn't about alcohol but it does relate to it sometimes. But when he asks me if I'm upset when he is drunk, I will say yes. I'm not going to lie.
And, I think he knows not to get hammered around me, because I don't have patience for it. And at least around me, it has stopped. But, I'm not around him much anymore nor will I be in the future.
I know that I have a lot to learn with this. Its something I'm continuing to learn about as I am here talking to you guys. But, I feel that his parents are enabling him big time. That is my concern.
This might sound bad, but I don't really stress about this. I have so much else going on in my life that I really don't have time to worry about this a lot. But, I also don't want to dry my hands of this problem either cause I don't think that is right. I know, I can't fix him. And, it is up to him. But, his parents baby him so much which is why I see this enabling that you are talking about to go on forever.