donenow... I can't imagine being in your situation. We're big wine collectors and have a 170+ bottle cellar, but that's nothing compared to being married to a winemaker. As far as being willing to jeopardize my marriage in favor of my sobriety -- honestly -- if it came down to it, sobriety would have to win. But I hope it never does come to that.
Marks, at the moment he's not "insisting" that I do anything. We actually haven't even talked about the trip yet. I'm just speculating as to how he will react, based on how he's reacted to other things surrounding my not drinking.
Kitty, I'm mostly fine at bars and parties too, and I think he doesn't get the difference. I've tried explaining this to him in the past -- there is NOTHING to do at a winery except drink alcohol. I can't order a soda, or a tonic and lime and sit back the way I would in a bar or at a party. I'll feel so conspicuous for being empty-handed. And like you say, I'll have to listen to them talk about how everything tastes, which would be a huge trigger for me.
Danica, same thing with my husband. They just don't get that we can't moderate. And you're right, playing the movie to the end has resulted in some very messy scenes before after a day of wine tasting.
I think you guys are right, I just need to tell him that I can't go. I'll tell him he can go without me if he wants to. I'm just going to have to try to avoid getting into an argument about it.
I'm going to wait for him to bring it up. I already told him over email that we need to discuss it and that I wasn't sure I was going to be comfortable with going.